The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz: Don't Make Assumptions

In this conversation, Tray D and Goolsby explore the themes of assumptions, communication, and emotional intelligence. They discuss how assumptions can lead to misunderstandings in relationships and the importance of clarity and inquiry in fostering better communication. The conversation emphasizes the need for discernment in interpreting others' actions and the significance of recognizing emotional responses as cries for help or cries for a loving response.

Takeaways

Assumptions can lead to misunderstandings in relationships.
Clarity in communication is essential for healthy interactions.
Emotional responses often reflect deeper issues within individuals.
Asking questions can help clarify intentions and feelings.
Discernment is crucial in filtering information and reactions.
Most people are giving a loving response or a cry for help.
Taking ownership of one's feelings can improve relationships.
The power of inquiry is often underutilized in communication.
Recognizing emotional bubbles can help in managing expectations.
It's important to create new narratives in our relationships.

Welcome to ‘As a Man Readeth,’ your weekly dose of insightful dialogue and enlightening perspectives, delivered with a unique southern style. Join hosts Goolsby and Tray D. as they delve into the world of literature and share their interpretations and lessons learned. Be sure to like and subscribe and join the conversation on instagram and youtube @AsAManReadeth and READ A BOOK😂

Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding Assumptions and Miscommunication
• 3:02 The Importance of Clarity in Relationships
• 5:51 Discernment and Filtering Information
• 9:12 The Power of Inquiry and Communication

Transcript

As A Man Readeth (00:00.206)
Trades my friend, we're creating this thing together. Maybe something has happened. Let me inform him in all the ways that I can versus...

You know how people say now, I'm tired of telling white folks. How did you? Well, how they gonna know if you know for sight nothing? I'm tired. What did you try to They can read a book. Most of the books, that's probably where they learned it from, y'all. Yeah. We didn't have control over history. Welcome to another episode of As A Man Reads. This is Tray D.

As A Man Readeth (00:35.628)
wonderful book for you. is four agreements. Three, don't make assumptions. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that is so easy to make. other day with you and me, for example, I give some insight. What happened? We were practicing, well not even practicing, testing out.

this Riverside format and what we're using right now, this platform for the podcast. It's supposed to meet, I think it was one o'clock, it was a time. I want to say one, let's say one on the time. So I'm in and I'm like, it's one, I don't know, 103, 104, Where This dude, man, why is he? First thing, first thing's like, man, why is he? And none do with me, right?

I'm already shifting blame, just doing it. So then I text him and then I called him. eventually he picked, cause I don't think, cause your phone will doodoo. When I'm with you, I know it's your phone or doodoo and you do not go to it. It's just like, busy right now. We do it. So, I call and I'll throw it in the other room so I could be in another part of the house. was like, yeah, you know.

I don't want him too attached to it. Yeah. Right. And what's so crazy is, is when I was texting, I know that. That's not the number two thing. I know that that may happen. But a piece of me is like, well, no, he should know. Why he doing it? Like, no, bro, I'm doing all the work, man. Why he, why he make it? No, man. All these thoughts. I'm like, what the? Call this dude. So I call you and you like, crap. I thought that was another day in time.

And I did, and I was in here, you know, you know, I'm moving offices, I'm moving houses. Like I'm in here just trying to set stuff up. I'm rocking and I'm just, I'm just getting it going. I'm not, I'm listening to the work. I don't know what this, I don't know what this jig is. Do you see this? You see what I just did here? did an old man. I'm doing everything else. And I was, I was completely oblivious to the time and time of day. So I built up that whole.

As A Man Readeth (02:51.496)
Like that Key and Pills skit where they text back and forth. What? Do you really want to hang out? What?

like you you do you even wanna do the podcast? Right. What? Yeah. So but I mean I guess you guess you. Yes. Right. What the is going on? Thought we was friends. Man. So so but I realized I had built this whole emotional bubble that I was like this is gonna be a good story too. Cuz as it was happening. Yeah. I'm like cuz I'm being honest. It's it's truthful.

But it's dumb if I had to put it any other way, and I don't like that word, but it's illogical. Why would you assume that? One, aren't you friends? Well, I... Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait, I thought we were friends. I thought. He's like, wait, wait, did something change? What just happened?

man, you know, you don't, you, hey, you don't have to be trippy sometimes, you know, they be old, they be feeling, they be, they get a little, get a little wife and all of a sudden, you know, like, wait a minute, what is the conversation going? Yeah, man. See that, see that. But it's catching, it's catching all these previous beliefs, these agreements that I have with myself because I want to blame, well, you know, my homeboys growing up, like,

story why would we keep telling that dumbass story just the great thing you see even saying dumb I don't even want to say that so let me let's get it together it's a new story it's coming from a new mind I love all the friends I had growing up I wouldn't be who I am if I did not have these friends growing up for sure so it's like okay new story new story

As A Man Readeth (04:53.752)
Tray's my friend, we're creating this thing together. Maybe something has happened. Let me inform him in all the ways that I can versus, you know how people say now, I'm tired of telling white folks how to treat me. Well, how they gonna know if you don't say nothing? I'm tired. What you tired of doing? They can read a book. Most of the books, that's probably where they learned it from, y'all. Yeah. A lot of the stuff is we didn't have control over history.

So never buy. I can get into that. I can get into a place. Take ownership and accountability for what's going on. So, but anyway, yeah, I feel that man. But yeah, that's a great story though. like, no, no, no, no, no. But at the end of that though, Trey, you came on and then all my stuff was messed up. That's what was so funny. You came on. I was about to be ready about it. And you was like, man.

your visual is bad. And then it was great. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Now I was in here ready. I was in. I was like, drop it down. Let's go. You know, but I get that man. And I understand that I understand how we can replay it and make the assumptions. I've done the same thing. I'll be paying attention, you know, to everybody. And I'm like, I'm trying to trying to stay as present as possible. How do I get into a place where

I'm not making any assumptions from last week. I'm making the, is it an attribution or assumption? Right? Is something that they really are or is it something that I believe they are? Right. Am I not matching up the attribute with the action or am I? I see an action. so if you're doing this thing, it must mean this. And that's where I'm working to become a better.

I met my lady. just knew she played basketball. She kind of walked away. She was like, no sir. I played as a kid, but I didn't know what happened. No, I feel that. feel that. think getting us into that space where we, with the, the, the attributes. this is what I was going to say. was about, about like having discernment of like when everything is coming in and knowing.

As A Man Readeth (07:15.862)
If we're not taking, if we're not making assumptions, we're not taking anything personally, you know, the discernment comes in and they're like, okay, this is what's happening at this moment. This is, cause he also says it, I think in, I don't know what page, but cause I don't think I highlighted it, but, being able to know how to filter information, least that's what I got as well. Like you can take, you, you know, when he was talking about spells, like you can, you can hear crazy stuff.

Okay. But you know where you are and you you know that people are people you don't take anything personally that stuff like bounce off of you. So if they do say he said when somebody says that you're ugly or dumb right he tells that story about the about the mother talking to his daughter or talk to her daughter. Right. Right. And you're like you you you sound terrible you know and the girl really didn't want to sing anymore but it was because she had a headache.

But then he goes back and he goes even deeper in and talks about that. That's how she was talked to. Right. Right. Right. And so just kind of carries on. But if you get to a place where they're going through something, they got that to do with me. As soon as that clicks, everything can happen. One of the things that we've we've shared is like, most people are giving you a loving response or a cry for help or cry for a loving response. Right.

And so that stays in my mind and aligns with the book too, that man, most folks are just, know, if they're not giving you that, that, that, that loving response, that, that loving action, there's something else that's going on within them where they need that. and they're crying out for it, even inside of very probably silently. but it's coming out in some particular way. What else did you see for, assumptions?

Yep. Just maybe thinking, you know what you think you know, and you don't know. Right. Ask questions. Yeah. Ask as many questions as possible. You got to, think the power of inquiry is, is just, is, unfortunately just under, underutilized. And so I think that's, that's a part of this as well, Great, great, great, great, great part of the book. Great. mean, agreement.

As A Man Readeth (09:41.614)
It is. And I would make that word different. I would say I think it's fortunate that it is right now so that now we can focus on that. Yeah. I'm with that. I'm with that. I'm with that. Yeah. Well, we've got another episode of As A Man Read It. Yeah, man. This is Trey D. Hey, good man. Hey, be well. As always, be brave. Read a book!

Keep on reading y'all. Peace.

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